I was heartbroken in a way once when someone I had known for over a year but a short relationship with said one day that he doesn’t get that butterfly feeling in his tummy with me. Hey! Likewise! I even talked to my girlfriends about it before. I am comfortable with him but it was more a “motion”. I felt that he was incapable of intimacy. The guy before him was very different. A look at his photo would start that stomach “churning”. And it was missing with M. I told myself you cannot compare them; my girlfriends said give it time. It is too soon. Ka said she didn’t like her husband at the start but after giving it a try, they are now married. You cannot judge right away.
Anyway, I kept thinking about what this “butterfly” feeling M talked about ever since. I didn’t go on dates after that ended. Just didn’t find time for it. Now that I’m “back” in the game, I thought about the butterfly feeling and asking if I will find it.
When I met the Pilot, I thought No at the first sight. He is a nice guy. Talks a lot which is ok because I prefer to listen but it’s his voice that I do not like much. I believe the voice, how a guy sounds, is part of a match! You must like someone’s voice!
It’s no problem if someone talks a lot but it is something if he seems not to care about other people, only himself. He doesn’t offer me a dish when he received it first; he didn’t pass the soya sauce for sushi. Ok, maybe I’m being picky. What I felt at the first date. I thought nevertheless he is ok. I won’t write him off.
Days passed and no messages from him thus I thought it’s over. I don’t know his reasons but maybe he didn’t like me that much afterall or we’re not a fit.
3 days later, he messaged me and we exchanged messages but nothing suggestive until he asked if there’s a fasching party on the weekend. I gave him a few suggestions. He said he’ll look into it then no words. A week later, he sent me an unappealing photo of him from Panama City. He asked again about going to a fasching party. I admit I like the guy more than I do not like him so that got me happy again. Second date with the same guy. It’s second base!! I was happy! I had dinner plans with my friends but to accommodate both, I invited him to join my friends & go to fasching afterwards. He accepted. I was happy.
The days couldn’t come sooner. Everything was fine. He has his odd behaviours but he didn’t offend my friends. In fact I was happy he seems to get along with them. He was funny and we laughed a lot.
But once the food stopped – we had tapas – he suddenly needed to move. Service was a bit slow. We were finally out and he couldn’t wait to check the messages on his phone!
He suddenly turned cold towards me. There was some sort of intimacy at dinner earlier but after dinner, it left. It was worse at the fasching party. He was just looking around or himself in the mirror all the time. There wasn’t even a touch. Dancing with him is boring. This, I already suspected even before we met. He’s a nerdy guy! But I thought maybe I was wrong. It’s funny though. I wasn’t being pre-judgement, pre-judiced but so many things proved my first thoughts of him at the first date were right!
I felt it’s probably his “me first” value deep inside him. I don’t think he sympathizes with anyone or even incapable of it. This is for me an important value.
I don’t know what made the date “cold” but maybe it is the chemistry people say. I’m a bit saddened by this – because I like the guy nevertheless – but another date with him is not on my mind for sure.